Category Archives: Behaviors

Epiphany

By Marie Diaz-Cervo

She is an alpha woman, she speaks her mind and unable to be loyal to people that think maybe she is their friends. You cannot treat people with bad attitude and expect them to remain your friends. When she wants something from people, she used that delicate voice as a sort of manipulation. If you are naive, you will think oh she likes me.

I noticed others utilize little girl voice to make people help them. That voice is soft and angelic. These must be the voices they used to get things from their fathers and tickling down to their boyfriends and husbands.

I want to know and develop that kind of manipulation toward people to get what I want from them. The same people can also lie to get what they want from others.

I went to visit my mother after church, and it was a hot day. She had three fans one and the ceiling fan on also. My old furniture is at her home since I resided in the main house. My furniture and appliances are distributed all over my sisters and mom homes. My brother gave her an IPad so she can skype or facetime with her grandchildren, she enjoyed the knowledge on the freedom she has. I saw the IPad, therefore, I decided to teach her how to use YouTube to watch fashion shows from different designers. Mom saw the show and got so happy because she loved fashion. I enlarged the screen for her, and she said I made a dress like this already. I closed the page and asked her to demonstrate how to open the apps.

We also have a conversation about how hot it was in my room since it is on the second floor. She said someone stole her air conditioner from the garage. I told her I went to home depot and saw a small one, but it was too heavy.

A family friend came over and got into the conversation and told us that he saw an air conditioner for $118.00 at Hallmark. My mother said buy two and here is the money. Her friend suggested he will come with me. I told them we can go to home depot because it was closer. I got in the car, and he made a smart remark “wow you know how to drive” I answered “actually.” Did I ask him how old are you? He said Fifty years old. I used the google map on my cell to get the direction to the store so that we can get there faster. I stopped for gas, and he asked how come the car is making so much noise. I told him the car is old and I also said that everybody stated that Subaru is a good car. He said it is a Japanese car, so is Toyota. When we got to home depot, the air conditioner was sold out. We when back to my mother’s house without going to another store, because he was angry. He told me he needs to get AC Pro for his car, and he didn’t have the money for it, so I said I will buy it for him, but he said no. I also asked how come his family is so close to my mother; he told me that his mom and my mom were good friends almost like sisters when they were young.

My mom said to me when I got back; your sister is having a party for your nephew for his going away to college. I told her I’d take her and head out to another store to purchase the air conditioner. She wanted to go with me to the store, but I told her I would take her to my sister because I wanted to go alone to the store this time.

My then husband’s teenage daughter got her driver’s license; they usually go to the school together, but our thirteen-year-old got sick and had to stay home in bed. She said to me “are you coming with us” she just assumed that she was just going to take the car without asking. I laugh and told her no and that she was not going to take the car and told her to come upstairs. I said to her did you asked me if you can use the car or did you just assumed that you automatically take the car. I told her that I need to get food for her sister that was sick and it is my car, therefore, she needs to ask. I looked at her and felt all the confidence that she had and told her to learn to be humble. A car is a big responsibility and it would off make sense if she asked. The next day she went to her father’s sister house and came back with my sister in law’s car. I knew at that moment I was in for a rude awaking, the relationship changes at that moment. Now she is married and more mature, if she wants some kind of relationship, it would be alright with me.

The warning signs are there before a person cut ties with you or betray you. If you pay attention to what the person does or says, you can be aware of what is about to come. The person might abandon someone else before, and you think there is no way that person will do this to me. Your job is to move forward and spend times with people who love you and accept you. You can also reach out to others who might need a friend, and it will make you feel so much better.

Read more of my writings at www.amazon.com/author/mariediazcervo

Advertisements

Corporal Punishment

By Marie Diaz-Cervo

So many people are still so accustomed to corporal punishment, they can not refrain from it. It also takes lots of discipline to not put a child on timeout when the child’s behavior is not good. If people know how to properly speak and work with children, it would help so much with the children’s confidence. For example, you redirect a child when he or she is displaying a bad behavior.

I went to the doctor last week to get a TB test and while I sat in the waiting room, a young mother who just had a baby last weekend was there with her other two children. The younger child did not want to seat on the chair next to her and she told her again and again to come and seat and the refused. Finally, the mom got so upset and grabbed the child’s arm and she pinched her daughter’s skin because she was so mad at her. I could not believe she was doing that in public and I was shocked and another parent was there witnessing the whole ordeal. She just looked at me and shook her head in disbelief.

Corporation

By Marie Diaz-Cervo

I had to do a lot of self-development in order to run the cooperation with the team for a number of years while my husband was running the financial business full time in order to get promoted to Regional Vice-President. I had to learn deal with different personalities, some were melancholy, sanguine, choleric and so on. I had to know what type of personality I was and had to work on myself to be a better leader. Actually, the most difficult personality helped me to be a better leader, sometime I would question it was my gender, color or nationality. At the time I learned that it wasn’t personal, I learned to forgive. The stress took a toll on my health, I was hemorrhaging constantly and would get very tired. I had to slow down and asked God for a miracle to get back my health.

I Noticed

By Marie Diaz-Cervo

I noticed when I do not want something or someone, the person would actually want me. Does that mean I need or I have to use the opposite of my mindset? It is not too easy for me because I am a positive thinking person. I find it more healthy for me to think positive. It helps me to believe in others especially children with special needs. They need people who are sweet, affectionate, calm energy and good with kids. They need people to see and believe that they can do things once learn and they can function in society. They are gifted individuals like Albert Einstein.

Leadership & self-Efficacy

By Marie Diaz-Cervo

The behavior specialist at my job is a naturalist and she dresses the part. She loves the special needs children and I like her because she can see me and when I did a great job with the ABLss assessment of the students she told everyone how I did so great and I am really great at. She stood up for me when others just tried to hide my gifts and also took the rewards for my works. Not everybody is capable of shining the light on someone else unless the person has a great self-confidence. The lead teacher did not say a thing about how I helped her and worked hard at my job. While I helped and do my best another coworker tried to emotionally abuse me and I did not know how to deal with it. Since she was a white Italian woman she just figured she can do whatever she wanted, so at a meeting Lisa asked everyone to write a concern about what is going on and I did, then I tried to get rid of the paper but Lisa told me to put it back. At that meeting, the psychologist, social worker, and the lead teacher were also there so they heard my concern and they took action and remove the coworker from the building I was working at.

Achievement motivation is what a person focus on to get the outcome of the goals and plans that he or she set out to get. A person might want to get more money or more recognition, therefore, the end result would be the drive to do the best he or she can at school or at work.

I do my best and learn what I need to learn so I can succeed in achieving the goal and plan that I want to get. Those efforts are the pathway to accomplish what I set out to achieve.

I can increase my own achievement motivation to manage challenges and overcome obstacles as I work toward reaching my goals by focussing on the more impact I will make when I get my degree. People would not be able to say that I do not have the credential to get another higher position at my job. I would make a higher earning which I could help more people who need financial help. I would get more respect and stop the whispering from people who only get the job because they know someone who works at the board of education, I am also motivated to have wealth so I can show my ex-husband that he did not make me. He went and married his mistress a few months after our divorce. My motivation is the keep moving forward without taking another’s woman’s husband.

In order to reach my goal, these two concepts are relevant to help me. Self-determination theory is a concept that will keep me moving forward no matter what the obstacles because I am driving to achieve the goal that I set, I do not need other people to boost me to do what I need to do. Some people can move for internal reasons or external reasons. You can do something because you like it or because of the outcome that would follow. Those who are more intrinsically motivated generally give more effort, persist longer at a task, and perform better than the people who are extrinsically motivated.McCarthy, C. J., DeLisi, M., Getzfeld, A. R., McCarthy, C. J., Moss-King, D. A., Mossler, R., Privitera, G. J., Spence, C., Walker, J. D., Weinberg, R. S., & Youssef-Morgan, C. M. (2016).
Goal setting has the steps for me to achieve the plan. It is in writing and I can look at it to see what is my next task. It makes it easier to see how I am going to reach the goal. There are two ways I can achieve a goal, one is I want to be the best and the other is I want to show off. I can compete with myself or I put other people down.

References:

Bandura, A. (1997).Retrieved from:https://www.countway.harvard.edu/
Judge, T. A., Jackson, C. L., Shaw, J. C., Scott, B. A., & Rich, B. L. (2007). Journal of Applied Psychology, 92(1), 107-127. doi: 10.1037/0021-9010.92.1.107

McCarthy, C. J., DeLisi, M., Getzfeld, A. R., McCarthy, C. J., Moss-King, D. A., Mossler, R., Privitera, G. J., Spence, C., Walker, J. D., Weinberg, R. S., & Youssef-Morgan, C. M. (2016).Retrieved from:https://content.ashford.edu/

Adopt The 10x Mindset

By Thomas Oppong

There are no absolutes in life. And there are no givens. Everything is up for grabs. Most people dream of accomplishing something extraordinary in life. But life slips by and their most meaningful dreams slide silently to the side while they’re getting everything else done.

Grant Cardone says, “Never reduce a target. Instead, increase actions. When you start rethinking your targets, making up excuses, and letting yourself off the hook, you are giving up on your dreams!”

Operating at an exponentially higher level is exactly what you need to do better and be successful in your endeavors. But everything starts with a decision to aim higher than usual. Only those with the right mindset, attitude and skill can take advantage of the enormous human potential.

You can’t achieve extraordinary results with an ordinary mindset

“The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”― Michelangelo Buonarroti

Many people are far below their expectations because they have big dreams, incredible ideas, and fantastic goals but put in little or no ACTION.

As you build on your accomplishments and your confidence grows, you will naturally want to aim higher. Now that you’ve got some momentum going, it’s time to double your effort.

Extreme success in your own terms can only be achieved by taking massive action with the 10X rule, a concept made popular by Grant Cardone.

The 10X rule is based on the idea you should figure out what you want to do, goals you want to achieve, and multiply the effort and time you think it’ll take to do by 10.

In his book, 10x Rule, The Only Difference Between Success and FailureGrant provides an awesome blueprint for how you can rise above the status quo to take “massive action” instead of behaving like everybody else and settling for average results.

“The greatest turning point of my life, both professionally and personally, was when I stopped casually waiting for success and instead started to approach it as a duty, obligation and responsibility,” says Cardone.

We have a tendency to underestimate what we can accomplish, and therefore set lower goals and not reach our full potential.

When you apply the 10x rule and mindset to your thinking, and apply it to how you act, you can do more in the shortest possible time. And you will still have time to take care of a lot of other things on your to-do list.

Stay hungry!

The idea of a 10x advantage is to aim ten times higher when you set your goals in business and life. You are probably not thinking big enough about your life’s work, projects, and what you want to achieve in your career.

A 10x mindset or goal means that if you come up short, you’ll still find yourself further along than if you had maintained your life’s current goals, visions and everything else you have planned to achieve.

Christopher Reeve once said, “So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”

And it also means that you open yourself up to bigger possibilities for the future that make it increasingly easier to make decisions and take action in the present. You can move and work your goals 10 times faster while being consistent and persistent.

But don’t underestimate how much energy and effort it will take to push things through though. Things could take longer to complete or cost more. Plan for these things you plan to focus on ahcieving more using the 10x rule.

Thinkers and dreamers are the new untouchables

“Between the great things we cannot do and the small things we will not do, the danger is that we shall do nothing.” — Adolph Monod

We’ve been conditioned to think small, simplify and to expect less and demand less from life. Don’t be subject to the tyranny of “how things have always been done”. Find your true north and push past the default.

For centuries we’ve been trained by the system to stop thinking and do as we are told. But dreamers and thinkers change the world. They don’t follow any logic. It’s hard to replace the dreamers with algorithms.

Can you build something people will look for, will talk about or something we would miss if it were gone. Think about your capacity to think creatively and exponentially. And your your capacity to provide value to others. Start seeing things from a wider and far reaching perspective.

You should start thinking big without reservations. Practice thinking about your future being 10x bigger and better, and you’ll develop a new 10x standard for viewing the world.

You can only contribute more, learn more, become more and stretch yourself and your own abilities beyond their current psychological limitations if you give yourself permission to think beyond the obvious.

Turn mindset into action

The right intentions will only get you so far. You also must act. A 10x mindset radically shifts your thinking, your decision-making, and the actions you take.

Start identifying actions that are blocking your progress toward 10x growth and get rid of them. Focus on doing even better at those things you’re already good at and stop worrying about everything you struggle with.

Tackle every project with the 10X Rule, acting like you have to succeed because your life depends on it.

Before you go…

If you enjoyed this post, you will love Postanly Weekly (my free digest of the best productivity, career and self-improvement posts). Subscribe and get a free copy of my new eBook, “The Power of One Percent Better: Small Gains, Maximum Results”. Join 23,300+ readers.

Failure Is Not the End. It’s an Opportunity to Learn.

 


By Ronald Burr @ronburr

 

It was 1998. I walked into my first meeting with my now friend Bill Gross, the founder and CEO of Idealab. I was shown to a conference room that had quotes on the wall, and one of them, from Thomas Edison, immediately jumped out at me: “I have not failed 1,000 times, I have successfully found 1,000 ways that will not make a light bulb.” This quote, or at least some version of it, is the mantra of every successful entrepreneur.

We learn about failure early in life. Kids race each other on the playground and are tested in school and given grades each year, quickly learning what it means to win or lose, pass or fail. Not winning tends to have a stigma around it, and can ultimately lead to labels like “failure” or “loser.” Too many people allow external views to define their self-worth and thus are afraid of ridicule stemming from these unfair labels, which we even give to our own friends and family. Through societal behavior, we teach people to not be risk takers.

I’m not here to say there is no such thing as failure. Failure is very real, but it is not an end destination — it’s another event in the course of life. Experiencing one failure or 100 does not make you a failure. Failure is an external event that happens. It is not a personality characteristic. One who fails a lot, we could say, takes a lot of risks. It’s important to separate the events of failure from the personal characteristic of being a failure.

Failure is an opportunity to learn. When we confuse our personal sense of self-value with success, we are restricting our ability to learn because our ego becomes another factor in this equation. Our ego tells us we succeeded because we’re so smart and so great, or that we failed because we are a loser and can’t win at anything.

This clouds the analytical process of simply looking at the results of a situation and asking ourselves, “What happened?” There are key questions to ask in order to learn and grow from past mistakes.

  • How did I approach this?”
  • How prepared was I?”
  • What was within my control to change and what was not?”
  • Of the things within my control, what other actions could I have taken that might have produced a different outcome?”

Likewise, success can equally blind us from learning. Just like failure, success is an external event and does not necessarily define you as a winner. Many entrepreneurs who have experienced success make the mistake of believing they did it all on their own, forgetting the team and support that helped them achieve their goals. Of course, they made good decisions at the right time, worked hard and achieved success, but in almost all cases, there were other team members who assisted in the win.

Because failure is so bitingly painful, it tends to get more personal introspection than success. However, it’s the entrepreneurs’ optimistic “never say die” attitude that can also get in the way of self-evaluation and looking at the contributing causes of failure. Learn to separate the event of failure from your personal identity and invest in objectively reviewing the situation and trying a different approach next time. This relates to a core message I share with every entrepreneur — be ruthlessly honest with yourself and others. Denial is your worst enemy.

Strive to find flaws in your ideas or processes and eliminate them. You are only doomed to repeatedly fail if you choose not to learn from your past mistake

Catcher

1) Make yourself vulnerable
2) Demonstrate grace
3) Stand apart
4) Identify with the broken people
5) Speak life

Learn from my mistakes
Use what you have
Do everything for the Lord

4 Signs You’re with the Right Person

BY: REALSIMPLE.COM/GRACE ELKUS

Does your relationship pass this test?

Whether you’re entering a new relationship or hitting a significant milestone, it’s natural to question whether you’ve chosen the right partner. We talked to Elizabeth Schoenfeld, Ph.D., director of research and evaluation at LifeWorks and frequent contributor to ScienceofRelationships.com, and Marina Williams, a therapist in Boston and the author of Couples Counseling: A Step by Step Guide for Therapists, about the telltale signs you should look for.

1. THEY’RE ATTENTIVE

Small, daily gestures of romance are an important part of a supportive relationship, especially when they align with your personal needs. If you’re feeling under the weather, for example, you’ll appreciate your partner more if he or she makes you soup rather than brings home concert tickets, Schoenfeld says. “Having a partner who notices what you need or want in a given moment and responds accordingly bodes well for the long-term potential of your relationship.”

2. THEY’RE AFFECTIONATE

Whether its hugging, kissing, or cuddling before bed, regularly engaging in some form of physical affection is key to feeling connected to your partner, according to Schoenfeld. “Generally speaking, couples who are more physically affectionate with one another tend to be more satisfied with their partners and their relationships—which makes sense, as individuals tend to feel more cared for and understood when their partners show physical affection,” she says. And being affectionate is good for our personal and mental health, too.

3. THEY RESPOND WELL TO CONFLICT

How you communicate in the heat of an argument can be a telltale sign of the status of your relationship. In fact, the amount of conflict you engage in with your partner doesn’t matter nearly as much as how the argument is handled, Schoenfeld says. In healthy relationships, each partner responds to conflict in a caring and supportive manner. “If they listen to what you’re saying, respect where you’re coming from, and respond to your disclosures by sharing their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences (without making the conversation all about them), then intimacy is more likely to flourish.”

If you are communicating poorly, however, don’t give up hope. “As a couples counselor, I always love it when the problem is communication because it’s something that’s very easily fixed, granted that the couple is willing to change,” Williams says.

4. THEY SHARE YOUR VALUES AND GOALS

While it’s okay (and perfectly normal) to have different interests from your partner, it’s important to be on the same page when it comes to long-term goals. “Differences can be great for balancing out a couple and making things more interesting socially,” Williams says. “Where I think it’s important to be similar is in your values and goals for the future.” And Schoenfeld agrees: “Prioritize similarities that have long-term implications, such as a shared desire (or lack of desire) for marriage or children.”

16 Tips for Living a Happy Life Starting Right Now

 


By John Rampton @johnrampton

It doesn’t matter your age, how much money you have in your back account, your marital status or what you do for a living, we all want to be more successful in our lives. Of course, defining success is different for each us, but here are 16 proven ways that can make you more productive, happy and successful in life.

1. Be committed.

No matter what goals you have set for yourself in life, you have to be committed. It’s through commitment that you’ll continue to make the improvements needed to better yourself. Whether it’s taking a chance on launching a startup, getting a gym membership to improve your physical well-being, or taking a cooking class because you want to become a chef, commitment is what drives us all to become more successful.

2. People care about you, not your success.

Let’s be honest. People don’t care about the expensive clothes you wear, how big is the house you own or the car your drive. That’s not to say that they don’t respect your achievements or possessions. Instead, they care you as an individual and they’ll support you no matter what — because they love you. Believe it!

3. Be grateful every day.

According to researchers Martin Seligman, Robert Emmons, and Michael McCullough, being grateful can result in feeling better about your life, more enthusiastism and more willingness to help others. Being grateful may even reduce coronary artery disease. Take the time to write down what you’re grateful each and every day.

4. Take action.

In an article in The Atlantic, authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman share studies on the confidence gap between men and women.  The researchers discovered that confidence is just as important as competence. It was concluded in the article that “[T]aking action bolsters one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed.”

5. Money can’t buy happiness.

As The Beatles famously proclaimed, (money), “can’t buy me love.” You know what else money can’t buy? Happiness. Just because you’re earning six figures doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily content. Sure, money is obviously needed, and it makes some things easier. But, you should be focusing on your passion and not how much your paycheck is.

6. Don’t take rejection personally.

At some point we all face rejection. Instead of taking it personally, use it as a learning experience. Why did a VC reject your proposal? Maybe there wasn’t a market for your product. Perhaps you didn’t have a convincing pitch. Maybe the VC’s partner just called and said he’d spent their extra cash. Accepting and learning from rejection is one way to guide you to success.

With my online invoicing startup I get rejected daily, literally. I talked to 100+ VC’s before I got one that believed in my product. Learn from rejection and use it as motivation to make things better!

7. Have a backup plan.

You never know when the unexpected is going to happen, but when it does happen, you’re surrounded by chaos. Being prepared for the worst case scenario can at least make things a whole lot less chaotic. When my last business crashed, had I not had some cash set aside (that my wife kept away from me), we would have been in financial ruin. Having a three-to-six month nest egg will make the difference. I’ve found that having 12-24 months of cash to pay all bills just sitting there has significantly helped my marriage be more positive as well!

8. Improve your social skill.

After analyzing data from between 1972 and 1992, University of California, Santa Barbara, economist Catherine Weinberger found that “The people who are both smart and socially adept earn more in today’s workforce than similarly endowed workers in 1980.”

9. Travel.

As Yii-Huei Phang states on The Huffington Post, traveling is a great way to “develop a person’s character” and become more open-minded. Additionally, while traveling is a great way to get away from the daily grind, it also helps you appreciate what you have back at home.

10. Don’t multitask.

If you’re feeling constantly burnt out it’s probably because you’re doing too much at one time. Research has found that “when you switch away from a primary task to do something else, you’re increasing the time it takes to finish that task by an average of 25 percent.” You’re also burning your reservoir of energy. Both of these issues decrease your productivity and prevent you from accomplishing tasks and goal.

11. Embrace a growth mindset.

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck argues that we have two-mindsets; “fixed” and “growth.” A fixed mindset “assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are static.” A “growth mindset,” however, “thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities.”

12. Balance work and life.

When work interferes with life, it can result in employees getting burned out and decreases base morale in the office. While this may not be an option for employees, it proves that everyone needs time away from the office. If you’re able to spend less time in the office by working remotely or having flexible hours, you should be able to be productive in both your personal and professional life.

13. Don’t hold grudges.

There is really no need to hold onto a grudge. It can mentally wear you out and makes you miserable. And, doesn’t life seem to go a whole lot smoother when you’re not angry?

14. Stick it out.

After years of studying both children and adults, psychologist Angela Duckworth found that one of the characteristics of successful individuals is having grit. During her TED talk Duckworth stated, “Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

15. Live in the moment

You can’t change the past and you have no control of the future. Live in the moment and enjoy what’s in front of you right here, right now. When you’re busy making too many plans, you’re causing stress that prevents you from enjoying the present.

16. Take care of yourself, then help others.

According to Mark Snyder, a psychologist and head of the Center for the Study of the Individual and Society at the University of Minnesota, “People who volunteer tend to have higher self-esteem, psychological well-being, and happiness.”

Additionally, helping others is beneficial for our health. But, how can you help others if you haven’t taken care of yourself first? Take care of your needs first and then begin to help others.